Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
