dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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