Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
