I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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