They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i will never coherently bang her
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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