Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
