i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
