I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
