Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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