she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
