my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
