Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
