i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
