She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
