He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
