Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize