You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
