She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
