i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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