Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
