Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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