they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
