Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
