Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
