if you like me you must not know who I am
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize