forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
its not stalking. its research.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
