I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
