I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
