I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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