If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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