I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
