After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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