I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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