just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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