Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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