The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
