tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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