It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize