What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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