hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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