you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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