i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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