Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
