I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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