It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
