Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
