You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
