The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's never too late to be topless.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
