He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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