I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
