He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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