so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
