Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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