I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
