Your mouth is God's brothel.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
