theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
