I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
