Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
