there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
