i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
