The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
