Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
