Cold hands, warm shart.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
