just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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