Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
