I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
