If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
