They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
