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You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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