have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
