do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
