Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
