You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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